Long Time, No See

Long time since I've been blogging on a regular basis. It's really kind of embarassing ~ and reminds me of my long forgotton diary as a young woman. I always felt great amounts of guilt over my diary with few entries. I guess this is the adult version.

Another Points Deficit

John had a points deficit (as defined by Matt, see post in November below). BIG points deficit. He forgot Valentine's Day. Yes, he did. As he pleaded his case he reminded me he had been busy taking care of me in the blizzard. Um Hum.... Then he told me his love for me shouldn't have to be defined on a particular day.....it's all year long.....blah, blah, blah. Okay, then he said that VDay was just a fabrication of women and the retail industry (can you see he's beginning to get defensive here?). Oh Whatever! Under normal circumstances, we talk things through and come to a mutual understanding. But this needed drastic measures. I actually gave him "the silent treatment". Then, like the daughter I raised, Kate called home and talked to John and asked where her VDay gift was. I'm loving this! John fumbled through another conversation. The next morning, I told John not to try and make it up and send flowers. Here's the thing: I *KNOW* flowers means he forgot the deal and it's a quick fix. It's not that I'm unappreciative. I learned several years ago, if someone wants to buy you flowers, accept it graciously. You know, I really didn't want to have to throw away the wilted reminder that he forgot. Throughout the day, I really did forget about it and chalked it up to Manly Stupidity. That evening I went home, kissed my husband and proceeded as usual. John took me and my friend, Patty, to dinner. But first he gave me his gift for me -- a diamond and emerald heart shaped necklace. Okay, he has no more points deficit. I let him out of the dog house. Sometimes when words won't quite do it, baubles will. Matt, John says it gets more and more expensive. Since I married John my bauble collection has grown dramatically. There's something to be said for positive reinforcement! :)

Somewhere....

...over the Rainbow. That song by Katharine McPhee is beautiful - so simple. Yes, Raul, I'm talking about last year's almost winner of American Idol! Despite the late timing on my part, it is a beautiful song. When she sings this song I don't even think of The Wizard of Oz. I am somehow transported to my own yellow brick road of dreams and wishes. I am moved to believe that impossible becomes possible. It absolutely inspires me to believe in all that is good. Hey Tozzi...this song is for you. After all, if happy little bluebirds fly over the rainbow, why can't we?

Graduate? Already?

Where does the time go? I have to sign up for commencement soon. It was only last May that I embarked on the journey to the degree. Now this May it is time to bring the journey to the next phase. That begins with commencement. While I'm thrilled beyond comprehension I'm also a bit apprehensive. I've developed so many friends at IUK I hate to leave. I will miss the interaction and the laughter. I know this already. I've watched friends graduate before me and they've missed us. It just happens I suppose. By the time May rolls around, I will have earned 77 college hours in 12 months. Whew! I've always said NEVER will I get a master's degree. And I've always said never say never. So I'm exploring a master's program for myself. Maybe IUK. Notre Dame Executive MBA costs $82,000. WOW! At my age there is no pay off! Maybe I should start taking knitting classes instead.

Je suis ainsi beni!

The noise level in the house dropped dramatically yesterday. Bobby went home on Wednesday and Matt came back from Michigan to see Katie. We did manage to all eat lunch together and play trivia at Damon's. Damon's isn't one of our favorite places to eat, but we really love the trivia game. We decided to divide into teams ~ oh great. I cautioned against clusters like, girls vs. boys, old vs. young, smart vs. not so smart, but no one listened to me. What's new? Anyway, it was the three kids against John and me. Neither John nor I wanted to run the electronic gizmo used to answer the questions. We're already at a huge disadvantage! None-the-less, we're poking buttons. I'm taking the liberty of a rabbit trail here -- John would not answer the questions the way I suggested. IT WAS MAKING ME CRAZY because each time my answer was the RIGHT one. Obviously, his was not. Anyway, because the way the teams are clustered, I'm hoping there will be no questions about new boy bands or when Jennifer Anniston and Angelina Jolie/Brad Pritt will all adopt a child together. As it turned out, the old couple won all the rounds. I can brag here a little -- we even beat others in the restaurant playing also. "Natman" was a fierce competitor, he was seven years old! The old couple beat college students, and Natman beat the college students!! Just goes to prove that you're wise before and after puberty. That place in the middle is just a mind suck. Bobby told us he has accepted a new position at another fine restaurant. He'll be the sous chef at Webster's House (New American French cuisine). Sous chef is french and means "under". So he'll be just under the executive chef and directly in charge of production and supervision of the kitchen staff. He is really a fabulous gourmet chef...so his customers will be especially pleased. Our Christmas dinner was his handiwork! Exquis! Tres Bien! Je t'aime fils, merci d'etre vous.

Christmas Past

So Christmas came and went...again. All the anticipation, all the preperation, and all the excitement. It just comes and then *poof* it's gone. Is it worth it, really? As I reflect on that question this evening, I guess it is. It is not new nor is it profound. It is simply a reminder. A reminder of all the things I seem to forget throughout the year. For me it is a reminder that time is precious, that family is forever, that friends are priceless (borrowing from a commercial here), that Christmas is really about Jesus, and that work is still just work. I seem to lose track of these things in the course of my daily activities. You know, like we have all been guaranteed a tomorrow. So the reminder is necessary for me. It re-focuses my thinking and energy. It's a good thing too.

Rain, rain.....Go away

It's raining this morning. Here we are just a few days away from Christmas and it's raining! Snow would be better, a lot better. I think? I've always rolled my eyes at people who have said they don't like snow. I didn't understand it. But the last few days of 50+ degree weather has me reconsidering the whole deal. Walking outside with the sun shining and no coat was pretty nice. It felt like spring to me. That, in a weird sort of way, encouraged me in my unfettered freight train approach of educational acquisition. Anyway, in spite of the temptation to hurry along past Christmas, I want to enjoy the moment. I want to enjoy every single last Christmas memory with my family, snow and all. I think it's hard to beat the memory of previous years. The snow softly falling, cold outside ~ warm inside, the familiar smells from the kitchen, the gifts piled high, all the cousins running around screaming, the women in the kitchen, the men watching television, the sounds of Chip Davis and the Mannheim Steamroller beating in on the CD, and the sweet smell of evergreen faintly in the background. So how can we top that? According to my husband, we should stay home with just the kids this year. Okay, we're gonna give it a try. But now we'll have no screaming cousins, no "women" in the kitchen, and no snow. It would be good to point out that the "men" will still watch television. Hmmmm...maybe this would be a good time to introduce my daughter to the kitchen? So this will be the "quiet" Christmas at home. Personally, I think Christmas is all about the screaming cousins, but that's just me. I just wish it would snow.

Back to Baby

Whew. I'm glad this semester is over, really glad. My classes consumed me and with the overload of it all I behaved badly on ocassion. Not earth shattering badly or life altering badly ~ just disappointing. So I'm ready to put those few moments behind me and go on. My sister is going on too. She went home yesterday and called me from our Mother's home. The quality and tone of her voice have improved light years from one week ago! She still searches for words and I continue to finish her sentences and we shared a great laugh over that. That's nothing new, I've always completed her thoughts aloud. We are linked together in some cosmic fashion. While she is OLDER than I am (whew) we behave more like twins. We look alike, we talk alike, and at times we even act alike....Forgive me Patty Duke. Tozzi told me how much better she is and how she just wants to go home. Going home really excited her because she wanted to sleep in her bed without anyone coming in to stick her with a needle. And I'm relieved she's home and going to get back in the swing of things and reclaim her first born status. That will replace me in my rightful role of BABY of the family, BABY sister. This older child thing with all the responsibility is for the birds. Yes, the reality for myself is I'm spoiled. I'm happy to agree with you on that and from my perspective, it's wonderful!! Mary, my best friend, reminded me I was spoiled just a few months ago. I shared with her a personal issue of mine. Mary thought a minute and then responded with that spoiled thing. We laughed about it together because we both know she is right. Hey Mary, you'll be glad to know I'm not struggling with that issue anymore. The issue became too complicated and who needs clutter like that afterall?? All that to say, my world has been restored. :)

This is It

Have you heard those words before? "This is It." Probably in a song ~ talking about love and romance. That's not true for me the last time I heard those words. To be exact, it was last Friday afternoon. My sister uttered softly those very words to me on the phone. She also told me she loves me. I told her I loved her as I raced frantically through my mind for any reason she would be telling me that. I could only conjure one. Was she really saying her final good-bye's? I was afraid. I didn't acknowledge her words to me, I couldn't. I wasn't prepared. I went home and told John the news. We flew to Little Rock on Saturday. I spent the night with Tozzi and the moment presented itself. I asked her what she meant. The room has to be dark because of her anuerysm. It also has to be cold because of her fever. I didn't really want to ask her about this but the words fell out of mouth before I could reconsider. This also is an unusual circumstance for me and Tozzi. We tell each other everything, the good and the bad. I just recently told her about a painful, deep secret of mine ~ and I told her knowing that it would still be my deep secret. So resisting talking about anything seemed odd. But the moment wasn't uncomfortable for Tozzi. She plainly told me she felt like "this is it". Her final days, her last effort. I explained to Tozzi that it couldn't be her last days, she has children and ME to look after. She has people that love her and would miss her. She has to find the fight within her. She needs to give herself time to heal and not give up. I spoke with calm resolve in a cheerleader fashion. I was glad the room was dark - she couldn't see the tears stream down my face as we talked about her "karma". And I could blame my shaking on the cold. There is always a plan isn't there? Tozzi agreed to fight and do what she could in little realistic steps. Today, she brushed her teeth in bed. She did this to gain back control. Little did she know the control has always been hers.

Make a Snow Angel

You know, I hope it does snow - love it! I've made more snow angels in my lifetime than I can count. Although the last attempt was about five years ago. I noticed it wasn't as easy to get UP and OUT of the snow. So that was the last one. Probably a good thing too - "she" looked a little funny. She definitely had a shape - with all kinds of scuffle marks around her. That day when the snow was falling my anticipation of the snow angel was uncontrollable. The kids have never understood my delight but they are tolderant. Maybe I should make four angels? I could do one in each corner of the yard? I decided to make four - one for each member of my family all together. When I finished the first one I wondered how I could get up without using my hands and especially HOW did I ever do this before? I lay there pondering my strategy for getting up without damaging her image. I wondered if my knees had always hurt in the cold? The plan was simple, just sit up and get up from there. Didn't work. It left an imprint in the "sitting" area. So back down I went to fix the imprint - reswishing my arms and legs for her self-esteem. This retake of being in the snow with the same problems confused me. Why did I do this again? Leaving my pride in the imprint, I called for Katie to help me out of the snow. She did, thankfully with little comment. I never made the other three snow angels that day. I've never made another snow angel, ever. But it is fun thinking about it all again. Maybe I'll try again so bring it on - let it snow! But I'll wait for Katie to come home first.

Don't Blink!

Things can change dramatically "in the blink of an eye". Last Sunday (a mere five days ago) I posted about our delightful day with Katie. I went to work Monday, as usual, thinking life is pretty grand. My kids are happy, my husband is happy, I'm happy. Monday night that changed. Just before my conflict management class at 7pm, my nephew Shawn called. He told me his mother (my sister) is being airlifted to Little Rock with an aneurysm located in the base of her brain. I spent the next few minutes gathering information, facts, and planning my emergency flight to Little Rock. I matter of factly told a classmate my circumstances and she marveled at my ability to be calm. It isn't really calm, it's denial. Denial kicked in so I could survive this horrific event. I like denial, it's sort of a friend of mine. My sister is one of the finest people on this planet and everything to me. And I'd like to say she's fine now. But this story doesn't end yet. Hopefully, my sister will continue to spend the next days in ICU, then to the floor, then home. Her life will never be the same. Absolutely ever, in the blink of an eye her world changed. She lies in the hospital bed helpless and so very fragile. More than one physician said "fatal". There's a new "f" word. The other more popular one won't even get a second glance from me because there are things that are more shocking. Fatal is more shocking. Fatal is more obscene. Fatal is more permanent. I'm about ready to head home back to Kokomo and I love my sister -- even now she moves me because of her strength of will. She has been and forever will be my role model, confidante, and friend. So as I head home I'll start to deal with all the emotion of the week. I think I don't want to blink again anytime soon.

Points Deficit

John and I were "invited" to Katie's house for pre-Thanksgiving dinner. The girls prepared the meal and the table service. Needless to say, we went. There is a vast difference between what I expected and what I actually got. I expected a meal that was not satisfying and certainly wouldn't taste good. I prepared myself all morning on how to be polite - you know, thank the chef and hope I could keep whatever it is down. I worked on the proper language and facial control. The facial control was most important because Katie could see if I said one thing but meant another. She knows me WAY to well to try and pull that off. So I worked diligently at trying to say something I didn't mean and look believeable. John did not put any effort in my deceit. I think he said something like he had better things to think about. Anyway, all that practice wasn't needed. The meal was wonderful and our gracious and beautiful Kate was a spectacular hostess. Katie showed us her new necklace Matt bought for her. Matt told John he had a "points deficit" and had to buy her those diamonds. John laughed and said it gets expensive. Hmmmmmm....I'm thinking John has a points deficit of his own he needs to worry about.

Christmas

It seems Christmas is almost here. I love Christmas, always have but it just seems to sneak up on me. Before I worked outside of my home it didn't. By the time my birthday rolled around everything was done. Presents purchased, decorations up, music going, goodies made. I was way ahead of the norm. Right now, I'm not even sure where/who that person is. Now it's a scramble -- last year out of desperation and sympathy, John finally put up the tree by himself for me. It made me fall in love with him all over again. He called me at work on the 24th and said the tree was up. I remember feeling total relief and a sort of glow. Well I'm hearing Christmas jingles on the television and certainly seeing the forewarning in the mall. So I know its back. I'll be ready this time - I hope!

Final Farewell

My friend passed away. His wife, children, grandchildren and friends will miss him sorely. In fact, so will many. He was one we always called "a good guy". You know, the ones that are not found too often these days. Genuinely a good hearted person that loved his family dearly. Today is his visitation and tomorrow the funeral. The world is a bit sadder today, but the heavens are more fulfilled.

Coffee in Austria

Getting "Jiggity" With It!

Home Again, Home Again...jiggity jog. I'm not sure why we've always said that little ditty in my family anytime we pulled into the drive way, but we have. Not exactly everytime, but anytime it was exhausting to be out. Like out shopping all day, or a "vacation". I've been saying that since I can remember...my mother used to say it. So, when I pulled back into the driveway after my whirl wind trip to Europe I said those etched words outloud. I was by myself, but that didn't matter. This is simply something you say. The thought of sleeping in my own bed dominated my thinking that day and my daydream was about to be realized. The jet lag coming home wasn't nearly as dramatic as going. This, as it turns out, was unfortunate. I crawled up the stairs with all the effort I could summon, ripped off the clothes I'd had on for 24 hours, and flopped into bed. I was so excited to be home that I found it difficult to sleep!! I tossed and turned all "night". It was still daytime for me. While I lay there trying to sleep, I started "the list" in my head. You know, the list of everything that needs to be done. This list is usually dreaded by me in the middle of the night because it keeps me awake. But this time, I actually went to sleep with the list rolling around in my head. I guess it can be said that I've actually bored myself to sleep. Ahhhh....Winkin', Blinkin', and Jiggity Jog!

Fly me to the Moon....

...and let me live amoung the stars....just don't put me in coach. It may be worth the additional $5,000 for first class. "Economy" to Stuttgart was NOT my idea of fun...I'm so darned pampered and spoiled. *jeez* Not enough time or words to express my sentiments! But I'm in Germany and it is wonderful here now that I'm fully rested! This is definitely what the doctor ordered!! It's Friday morning here (7:15am) and I've had the most incredible shower -- 6 shower heads! Very luxurious. The towels here are HUGE!! Larger than our bath sheets back home. Before we leave here I'll make sure we get pics of the room...really artsy decor -- even the desk has a glass top. Mirrors everywhere....I'm not so sure I like that. Another thing, you have to put your room "key" into a slot when you enter the room to turn on the electricity. That took a time or two to remember. Also, the coffee....not so much the taste (although you can nearly stick a spoon in it and it will stay put), but the service. No quick cup of coffee on the run here. Yesterday we got coffee and it was delivered with full service (teapot, cups, several choices of sugars, real cream in pitcher, etc.). I figured it was just the restaurant. Not so, this morning I went downstairs and asked for coffee and the full service was presented again. Impressive. The moral of the story? I take so much for granted and even a cup of coffee in the morning doesn't need to be rushed - rather enjoy the simple pleasures. Ahhhhh....yes I could live like this. If I can get John up and rolling :) we'll head to Austria today. Europe should be experienced by everyone, but the first time should be without children.

Tapioca??

You're right Jennifer! It was called Bubble Tea and I'm so disappointed those little blobs at the bottom weren't blueberries. Eeeewww...kind of disgusting really. But it was fun! We're getting ready to leave and go to Germany. I want to get to Switzerland to look at Bernina's. Yes, the thought of chocolate also crossed my mind. But John wants to go to Innsbruck, Austria. He thinks my international shopping craze is "shallow". Whatever...I'll accept that title in this case! What woman would argue with me on this one??? Chocolate and some new toys! Sounds almost like paradise...but we'll end up in Innsbruck looking at old things. Like castles. Actually, I do enjoy touring castles and such. Really there is no way to lose in this deal -- Switzerland or out galloping across the Austrian Alps with the hubby. We're finding there is more to do than there is time in the day. Right now, we both sit on the couch beside each other (of course the tv is on) with our individual laptops scouring the internet for things to do/see in Germany. We call this "activity" planning. And we're already thinking of who we are going to buy stuff for. Hmmm...Christmas presents!! BTW, the Birkenstock factory is in Stuttgart. That's the first stop for Bobby.

the feminine side of things

I got to visit my precious Son! He looks fabulous and lives in an awesome "loft" in downtown Kansas City. Katie and I took it upon ourselves to do some decorating - you know add a feminine touch to things. It's is amazing what two women can accomplish in 36 hours. Let's figure this deal out - 13 hours sleeping, 6 hours eating, 3 hours movie watching, 4 hours decorating (1 hour was used in the most economical sense possible), 5 hours shopping, 6 hours misc. (driving, talking, showering, etc). No time to waste time. I want to comment on the hours spent eating - it was excessive! In every sense of the word. Too much time, too much money, too much food. My goodness! But not too much company - never enough of that. My favorite moment? Spent at the Chinese retaurant laughing our toosh's off because of some peach tea they served with blueberries? at the bottom and huge fat straws. The purpose (ours anyway) was to suck the berry through the straw. Bobby did it, then me, then Kate. We each accomplished our task and Bobby began to drink the tea as any normal person would. I reminded him of the backwash from the three of us and the drink sat there the rest of the evening. No one in our party wanted the backwashed, peach, blueberry sucking tea. At one point my mouth was full of a very sticky brownie and we laughed, laughed, and laughed. It was a magical moment, the kind you aren't priviledged enough to have but a few times in your life. Every smile present was genuine and heart felt and spontaneous. All because of some silly blueberries. Have I mentioned how difficult I'm finding my state of perimenopause? My emotions are all over the place ~ and moment by moment. A psychiatrist, at some points in time, might be inclined to diagnose me bi-polar! If this is anything like the genuine illness, I can see why people take their own life!! The phrase, "just shoot me" comes to mind. So does Dr. Kervorkian. Joking aside, it is disturbing that I can cry at the drop of a hat or laugh at my own jokes. All of this within the same breath. And each raw feeling is real. I really feel the deal. John seems to think as long as I "recognize it's a chemical imbalance" it will be okay. HE'S not ready for me to seek medical advise. Spoken like a man's man. Ahhhh...we'll see how this plays out. I still miss my friend. But I think it's because I'm crying and everything seems larger than it really is. Six days....maybe I'll be okay in six more.

Beam Me UP

What a week of up and down emotion! Figures huh? That is exactly what I thought. Katie and I leave today for Kansas City to see Bobby. That is definitely UP and I'm looking forward to spending some time with my son. Son, that's what I call him. I don't think he really likes that though. From my perspective, it's an endearing term. My nanny used to call her only child "Son". I thought that was his name - I didn't know he was really Carl. I just naturally called my son, "Son". I guess you need to know here I loved my nanny, Mrs. Palmer. I would give anything to be able to still talk with her again. She was so instrumental in my life ~ she passed away many years ago. The world was a little sadder that day. At any rate, I'm going to see "Son". But I know my hello only leads to a good-bye. Good byes, how I hate those. Good byes leave me with a void. I've said a few too many this week. Good byes are beings. Each one is tangible and they linger, long wearing out their welcome. Whew! When I rewind my week and look at it in a fast foward mode, it has been grueling. Every day brought its own problems that mounted from the day before. I suppose saying Good bye to my week is a good thing. Ahhh....a pleasant Good Bye that didn't come soon enough!

Roles

I'm a Mom. That's who I am and what I do. First, foremost, and without waiver. That's how I was designed. It's pretty simple - it's just me. All that to say, I find great joy in fulfilling that role. But this role brings great heartache as well. When I see one of my children hurt....I can't stand it. I become defensive, sort of like a lioness pacing around her cubs to protect them. Katie doesn't like it when I do this, neither does Bobby. But it's what I do. I can't seem to stop either. The response is so automatic and built-in it would be like trying to seperate day and night from one another. There is a point of both where they meet and both have accepted the other as inevitable. I was holding my daughter yesterday and she was sobbing. Not crying, sobbing. She couldn't breathe, all she could do was sob. The tears rolled down her cheeks from a never ending river of sadness. I couldn't pace, I couldn't defend, I couldn't stop the feelings. My own overwhelming need to cry flooded from my now fragile emotions. But I knew she needed me to be strong so I just couldn't cry. Not now, I'd save that for later. The sorrow we felt was present as we reasoned the circumstances. It was going to be okay, we'd get through it. But the feeling of needing to tear down the world on her behalf has not subsided. How I wsih I could protect my children from everything painful...for that matter, I don't want pain in my life either. And yet, it's there. Lurking around the corner to find us when we least expect it. Pain has an ugly face. How can I use the ugliness for beauty in my life? How can I turn the hurt into joy and lessons learned? I don't know these answers, but I have a feeling that is when meaning, and not being afraid of pain, will become a integral part of my life.

Getting Lucky

How did I get so lucky? That's the question of the century. Of course we could call lucky blessed. In fact, that's what I prefer. When people talk about lucky we usually think of something self serving. When people talk about blessings we usually think of being grateful. That's what I am, grateful! What humbles me everyday to feel grateful? My family. It's that simple. Let's start with the hubby...he's fabulous! For some unknown reason he truly believes I'm the queen of his world. Or at least that's the way he treats me. He loves me and the kids - his black and white world went instantly to living color overnight. It's the color that has tempered him and honed him into a wonderful father and husband. He deserves those titles. And the kids? They are equally phenenomal but in very different ways. I'm so proud of them and their sense of honesty, integrity, character, and faith. They are both servants. So I ask the question again, how did I get so blessed? The answer may seem obvious to you, but not to me. I just know that it truly humbles me.

Hey Friend -- You know who You are!

This post is written for one of my friends (who, to protect the innocent, will remain nameless!). I found the following on another blog. I wish I could take credit for the thought, but I can not. The author is about 24 years old, and I find his words betray his young age, they follow: "being in love with someone is never supposed to limit what you do or who else you love later in life....love is never meant to hinder the things that are supposed to come your way that will brighten your life....rather the only way to have the new things come to realization is to...thank God for the blessing...i really believe it's when we dwell on the what might've beens or the sadness of the past that we limit the things God wants to show us or have us experience now and in the future." By the way, Friend, I miss you! Really, really miss you like crazy.

Friends --

Here's the thing about friends, they are friends for life. My life has been enriched and transformed from the friendships I have. I'll never be the same, nor do I want to be. I'm referring to the people in my life that share my moments with me, that care about me, and that hold my deepest secrets safe. Dancing and laughing through life with my "partners" in the crazy way our life slowly and deliberately unfolds. The unfolding, the anticipation, is the unsolved mystery. And isn't the anticipation exciting? It's like Christmas everyday. Everyday! Opening each gift with joy and fulfillment that can not be contained. Friends - lifelong partners with me as we bloom and dance. It is the Dance in life afterall. The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. -- Carl Jung

Live Long and Prosper

Time to close this class with this last assignment....it's been fun. 1. Jerry – Refered to Dr. Bob’s website 2. Mark – like colors used on site 3. S2294U – casting moonbeams 4. Brandon – ahead of schedule 5. Nana – ahead of schedule 6. Monica – personal growth is never easy 7. Jenn – cute car 8. Alicia – appreciated her presentation 9. S. Weikle – oncourse is great 10. Plumbob – fiction about Cindy Crawford 11. John Hunt – ordinary guy 12. Royal – I wonder comment 13. Royal – Appreciate effort comment 14. Jon – nice seeing you at work 15. Jenn – appreciate sense of humor 16. Alicia – feeding on people 17. John Hunt III – I like Indiana Jones movies too 18. Rach – still here? 19. S – interesting 20. JW – Groupthink comment 21. Christina Muckenfuss – color in fonts, nice! 22. Raul – thank you for the memories 23. Herb – thanks and you’re terrific 24. Kevin Morrow – thanks for your posts 25. Kara Flick – groupsize vs. positive/negative outcomes 26. Deb – beautiful as a butterfly – metamorphing into a confident woman 27. Jessica – see you at Purdue 28. Sarah – Tons of potential 29. Mike – great guy 30. Mama Keller – have a great vacation 31. Nana46702 – Mondays 32. Liz – posted my own site as a response to Charity 33. Brandon – don’t like bullies either 34. Jenn – use of icebreakers 35. Royal – agree with Mike 36. Monica – how do you feel now? 37. Alicia – love TR rolls 38. S.Weikle – ahead of schedule, nice 39. Charity – nice to know you, you’re a great actress 40. Raul – posting on his site several times

Send Me into Orbit or Tribute to Women

My daughter, Kate, was honored for her contribution to the Republican Party last night in Indianapolis. She was instrumental in starting college campus groups at Purdue, IU Bloomington, and Butler. In addtition, she has received a small scholarship from the Indiana Federation of Republican Women.

Earl Grey for the Replicator...you'll need it for this long read.

1. Give the full bibliographic information for the article. Dr. Sunwolf, Department of Communication, Santa Clara University, 500 El Camino Road, Santa Clara CA 95053 U.S.A. Decisional Regret Theory: Reducing the Anxiety About Uncertain Outcomes During Group Decision Making Through Shared Counterfactual Storytelling. Communication Studies; Jun2006, Vol. 57 Issue 2, p107-134 2. Explain the void that this article was seeking to fill. The word storytelling intrigued me. I believe if we can fill-in-the-blanks and use word pictures the audience will find they can relate to the story. So the combination of storytelling and groups interested me. However, there doesn’t seem to be much research devoted to just that topic specifically in the business environment. While the section called The Emergence of Counterfactual Storytelling During Group Decision Making dealt with counterfactual Storythinking and the paralyzing effect of groupthink; the thrust of this article was for use in jury deliberations. Yet, the concepts should be generalized over to practical business operations. 3. Explain the major claims advanced by the article. a. People seek predictability in their worlds, uncertainty is uncomfortable, people seek to reduce the anxiety that accompanies uncertainty. b. People consistently employ storytelling to give order to the human experience [we are socialized to do so]. c. Groups can be highly influenced by counterfactual storytelling ~ in many ways. This article describes the roles attributed to the participants based on their view of the issues, story, and how it relates to their personal life. d. Socialization of storytelling is part of the culture in which we’re raised. Counterfactual storytelling is used in families and child rearing. This article alluded to the counterfactual storytelling as part of the development of the conscience. e. Anticipated regret is uncomfortable and people seek to reduce it. f. Regret can be contagious in the group when one member’s regret anxiety is transferred to the other group members during decisional talk. g. Group members will re-story a negative prechoice outcome in order to avoid an unwanted outcome. 4. Explain the practical implications of the article’s findings for both research and practice. The practical implications for practice is in daily life, in business (including judicial) and at home. Making decisions by group is the norm in both of these settings. Consequently, we need to understand how groups function. The practical research component is the continuing study of how groups can rightly or wrongly steer the course. Future and other research needs to be devoted to the development of the conscience regarding counterfactual storytelling. Can the conscience be developed without storytelling? Can the use of fables be omitted from the culture and survive? Or will the omission of fables topple the world of right and wrong and the societal code of moral values?

Take Me Away!

John and I are on our way to Muncie in our Cherokee 180. The hubby is the pilot ~ I go just along for the ride. 

Counselor! Mediate This

Even Empath's can't always be certain of communication messages.... What mediated communication technology did your group use? I am in many small groups. We used the following technologies: a. Facebook b. Email c. Blogs d. Instant Messenger (I personally use Trillian so I can interface with any of the IM programs at the same time). Who was in your group? On facebook – the S229 group I email simultaneously to several groups: family, friends, business associates Blogs – my brother maintains our family blog, my personal blog, my husband’s blog. Instant Messenger – this is my favorite. I use this mostly with my daughter, her boyfriend, and my husband. This feature can also include chat rooms. How did this mediated technology help your group’s communication? For any of the groups it made communication so much easier to contact people. Blogs especially because you can post for everyone to see and everyone can see at their leisure and respond. How did this mediated technology hinder your group’s communication? The big hindrance (I found mostly with email) is that the written word has no tone inflection or pauses. Sometimes difficult to display the appropriate emotion. Okay Troi, this is where you come in.

Universe Tribune

Otherwise called...How to Read a Newspaper. Raul didn’t want me to bore the class with this information, but graciously agreed I could share this here. During my childhood the family business was publishing. Out of necessity (and good ol’ family competition) I learned to read at four years old from a “galley”. A galley is the single strip of newsprint with the words of the story inked in for proofreading purposes. However, we didn’t have the luxury of printing or inking the galley to proofread. Dad "encouraged" us to read the typeset itself. Proofreading from a galley is like taking any printed material and looking at it in the mirror. We had to read and interpret the information and then check for typos. In later years, it made reading left to right a piece of cake. This skill has come in handy a time or two. I can easily read anything I can still see on YOUR desk! Upside down and all. Why is it important to know how to read a newspaper? Sounds silly. It’s not. In the age of instant information and news some think the newspaper is outdated. Not so, the newspaper provides information in detail that can not be obtained from the television, radio, or the internet. It is the missing piece from the front porch every morning in too many homes and businesses. Only the newspaper will provide information on taxes you may owe. And if you don’t read the paper to find out that information, no mercy is taken from the IRS. Besides how else will you know what’s on sale at your favorite grocery store? Every paper will tell you important information about itself. Not unlike many people! In any event – the banner (where it says the name of the paper) usually tells you the Volume and Issue number. The Volume refers to the number of years published and the issue number refers to the number of publication issued that year. Example: Volume 4, Issue No. 7 means this is the fourth year for publication and that this year, seven have been printed. Inside the newspaper is the masthead. The masthead lets you know who are the publishers, editors, and other relevant information. You may find this helpful if you need a circulation number or address. It would be similar to the internet link of About Us or Contact Us. The front page is always reserved for the top stories of the publication. Always. Some larger papers have a “second” front page. When all the stories won’t fit on one page, they go to the second page. The by-line is the reporter’s name that writes the article. Newspapers only include by-lines for their valued reporters and/or stories. Outside of that infrastructure newspapers vary. But they usually have editorials, sports, legal, comics, business, and classified sections. You’ll get to know what page of your local newspaper you want to review first. Reporters are trained to write the who, what, when, where, why, and how of a story in the first paragraph. They are also trained to wrap it up and conclude in the last paragraph. If you are running short of time those are the two paragraphs to read! It should tell you everything you need to know quickly. You can always go back and read the rest later. You now know how to find your favorite sections, what the infrastructure looks like and what to call it, and where to get your news in briefs. You know how to read a newspaper, congratulations!

Anybody need a Telescope?

I've been told I look like a gal named Cindy. Maybe with sunglasses you can't see the likeness. How come no one says I look like Britney Spears? I just don't understand that. Check out the heavens, no that's my hubby, behind me...

In Galaxies Far, Far Away

http://www.nsba.org/sbot/toolkit/LeadTeams.html This direct site is not what I expected. It appears to put you right in the middle of a thought. Links to discussion on teams, assessment, selection, etc. However the info became relevant when I discovered it was a link from the National School Boards Assn. I would probably use some of this info in my job. This site had a page devoted to leadership qualities. While the comments were an interesting read, I’m wondering how “old” the information is. Seems like I recently read another article saying the focus now is getting away from qualities leaders have. http://www.workteams.unt.edu/ "The world has changed, and we are light years behind on how we should collaborate and make good decisions that all can wholeheartedly stand behind." - Mehran Ferdowsian, Intel Corporation Collaborative work systems are focused at this site. This center utilizes students and IO psychologists for special projects. My question? By the nature of a “work team” aren’t all teams collaborative? Why the effort behind that? This would appear to be a site for entire organizational change and for change managers. http://www.emergingleadership.com/ The Center for Emerging Leadership (CEL), is a non-profit educational center sponsoring programs, publications and special events on leadership, wisdom and work. http://ohiowatersheds.osu.edu/owa/lessons/4.html This site reviews the facilitation skills and techniques. Since it has an .edu extension, I’m assuming it’s fairly reliable. After completion of the readings the learner should be able to: Select appropriate group facilitation technique(s) to use in a given scenario and explain their use within the context of a meeting. Identify 5-10 group facilitation techniques and the advantages and disadvantages of each. http://www.ag.iastate.edu/centers/ftcsc/media/ways.pdf This site is a scholarly paper that describes the emergence of roles in groups. This paper is just a BROAD overview. Not in depth but good for the casual learner. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Small_group First let me say I LOVE Wikipedia. I use it as a resource for lots of things. What’s so cool is Wikipedia provides links in the text to help define the word or phrase. http://www6.miami.edu/UMH/CDA/UMH_Main/0,1770,3281-1;3700-2;3702-3,00.html This site offers not only tips for preparing for meetings, but also examples of action words to use. There are links to the left to further complement the information. http://office.microsoft.com/en-us/FX010857971033.aspx A great resource for powerpoint presentations. This site has templates, how-to’s, and great suggestions. A must visit for the powerpointers. http://www.wisc.edu/cbe/biolearn/activities/Teaching%20Tools/Radish%20Seed/group_eval_rubric.pdf Great Rubric for group evaluation. http://www.shrm.org/ This website is for HR gurus. You can find information here on everything covered in the book, surveys, groups, etc. This is a professional site so membership is necessary.

Lookin' at the Stars...movie stars!

Analysis of the Movie The Skulls Scene Set-Up: We chose the last portion of the film to analyze. More specifically, the dual scene between Lucas and Caleb culminating with a gun shot. The group came to general consensus on this first segment of the analysis of the movie. The exigency factor in this example was simply the threat of death. The Source/Encoder was the entire scene – it was steeped in perfection and tradition. Neatly dressed gentlemen and a proper English-type dueling scene. All these components were based on societal niceties. While Lucas is the Source, originator of the idea that will be communicated, he uses body language, well timed verbage, and dramatic pauses to punctuate his message with intensity. This is a part of the many channels he uses. In addition, Lucas drops his gun and says dramatically, “Tell the truth! This would be over if you just tell the truth!” The overriding message from Lucas is for Caleb to tell the truth about the incident. Lucas defies the role of protégé of the secret society and refuses to be a part of it. He’s different. Caleb, as the Receiver/Decoder, receives and decodes the message perfectly. Luke and Caleb make eye contact and never look away. They absolutely understand each other. The feedback between the two is clear. Lucas continues to hold his gaze and at the exact moment of persuasion says again for Caleb to “tell the truth”. We know the message and feedback loop is clear because Caleb hesitates and doesn’t shoot Lucas. Caleb’s father interferes, referred to as noise, and attempts to change the message sent and received. Existing in this dynamic was physiological noise – occurred when “Dad” grabbed another gun and aimed at Lucas. The psychological noise was the thought process of “Dad”. His anger and swift actions confused the authenticity of the message. The semantic noise occurs from “Dad” also. “Dad” tells Caleb, “You’ve always been a disappointment to me.” In fact, this final “noise” that is imparted to Caleb, probably filters many things for the rest of Caleb’s life. The context of the movie at its essence is the secret society (similar to fraternal associations) of The Skulls. It is through this lens and culture that the rules and values are instilled. The members are told to “live by the rules, die by the rules.” The Senator told Lucas, “There is always a battle to be fought.” Lucas did not want any battles, he did not want to fight. The Skulls were not a diverse group, they didn’t want differences. This alone made Lucas stand apart. The roles the key characters played in the movie: “Dad” – Was the evaluator/critic. He was a critical thinker and strategist. Senator – Was several roles at different times. He was the Coordinator – he attempted to draw connections between what different members have said. Other roles included Elaborator-clarifier and Diagnostician. Lucas – Also had two roles – the Initiator/Contributor and the Information giver. Caleb – Was the Information seeker.

As for our group:

Jessica – Initiator-contributor, Information giver Chris – Opinion giver Sarah – Information giver Marc – Information giver Christina – Energizer, Information giver Charity – Opinion giver, Information giver Liz – Elaborator/Clarifier - Coordinator

Interstellar Noise

I'd really like to get this off my chest. Motivation in this context alone implies the totality of the end result is up to the employer. I disagree! The employee has a profound impact on this equation. You just can't always get people "motivated" no matter how much you want it for them. In Psychology Applied to Work, Muchinsky refers to an employee's affect. Given a person's personality - some just have it, while others not so much. Interesting to me, a high correlation exists between neuroticism and effectiveness. Just goes to prove you really can't judge a book by it's cover. Those that you assume will be "motivated" are just not. And vice versa. Any feedback on this?

Entry #3 - Motivate and Celebrate!! (My idea of fun!) aka Shootin' for the Moon!

Part One 1. What is it that you like most about your job? This doesn’t sound like it’s a tough question, but for me it is. I LOVE my job, liking it doesn’t quite fit the bill. Perhaps the question is, What is most rewarding for you in your job? Now that’s easier! The most rewarding aspect of my job is helping employees become better and more productive workers. Even during a discharge (I work in Human Resources), the hope is that the employee is learning something so that at his/her next job, he/she can perform at a higher levels. 2. What is it that you like least about your job? The mountains of paperwork. 3. What would you like to do in the future? I’m realizing my “future”. I’ve worked very hard to get to this point. For now, I’m satisfied. On a personal level, I’d love to be a Grandmother! But, alas, my children are not married and I can't control this one! 4. What would you most like to learn? I’d really like learn everything I need to know to pass the SPHR certification exam! Very tough certification. 5. When do you feel you do the best work? In the very early morning (at about 4am). 6. Who do you enjoy working with the most? People…I generally don’t have a preference. 7. What is most important to you in your job? That I am (consequently, my decisions) respected. That people regard me as a person with integrity. That my character speaks to who I am. That the revelation of who I am translates into treating people with respect and dignity. That treating people fairly and well will net results untold here. Part Two 1. What three things, if I did them would give me the greatest boost to my career? A. Pass the SPHR exam B. Finish my degree C. Lose the perfectionism plague Part Three 1. Analyze one of your first jobs in light of the Fundamentals of Motivation discussed by Sanborn. A. I’ll address a job I had at the home office of a major insurance company in the Claims department. (Not in this state!) Fundamental #1: You get the behavior you reward. □ Identify behaviors to reward – The insurance company was very good at this. They told me often of specific behaviors they found positive. □ Give rewards that people value – Also good at this. I received logo wear, gifts that I could choose, etc. Fundamental #2: Create an environment in which people will make the right decision. □ Conduct quality of life surveys – They didn’t do this or anything like it. However, the President would go through the employee parking lot to see if any “old” or unacceptable cars were present. If he found one, he’d write a note on how to buy one from the company fleet. He felt like those kind of things reflected on the corporate image. □ Shows the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation – not so good, see above for example. Fundamental #3: Model the behavior you are seeking. □ You can’t expect much unless you are willing to give much – True, true, true. The leaders were always in clear view of employees at all events! Even eating lunch in the cafeteria together on a daily basis, not just special occasions. □ Have the same level of enthusiasm you expect – yes, see above Fundamental #4: Behaviors to reward: Progress, not activity. Not input, but output. For working together. There is little reward for cooperation. “Praise a peer” program. Jot a note to colleagues who do a great job. Get rid of 100 business cards. For failing less. Note when they are only 10% behind now. The “home run” mentality blinds us to this. For exceeding expected performance levels. Solicit input, and reward. For solving problems, not just spotting them. Let them implement the solutions. For trying new things. Successes can come from failures that have been repositioned (e.g., Nyquil). For saving money. For customer service. The insurance company hit all these components. There were always rewards for those that chose to earn them. Example: doing a good job resulted in the president coming by your cubicle to tell you so. Many, many examples of reward behaviors. Fundamental 5: Rewards MONETARY REWARDS – did not necessarily link pay to performance. However, did have a program for attendance rewards. NON-MONETARY REWARDS – always did this well! TANGIBLE REWARDS (non-monetary) – did very well see above. Fundamental #6: Celebrate – did well once a year for EVERYONE..closed the doors and business one afternoon per year in July to celebrate the success of the business.

Sanburn Video on Team Communication

1. Six Ways to Increase Ideas: a. Implement the Mistake of the Month Club - Award for trying new things - willingness to fail! b. Idea Quotas - Implement one new idea weekly or monthly c. Weekly Challenge - Assign a problem and ask for three creative solutions - use the coffee room for ideas on paper. d. Brainstorming breaks - utilize the break time for groups e. Cross department skunkwork groups - use one representative from each department. f. Encourage informal interaction with team members - self explanatory. 2. Six components to making meetings quick and a good investment of time: a. Accomplishment and blunder - focus on right and wrong b. Follow up from last meeting - is it progress or regress? c. New action planning - who will do it and what will they do? d. R and R - Reward and Recognition - every two to three months everone in the group should be recognized. e. Professional development f. Gneral announcements 3. My obervation of most groups I have participated in (from church, school, and work) follow: a. Most groups start with little planning and depend on the group to plan and build momentum. b. No one is recognized in work related groups. Sometimes outshining your boss can be a bad thing. c. MOST of the groups (in all categories) have never incorporated the six ways to increase ideas philosphy. This takes additional time and who has that after all?

Newbies!

Time to start blogging! Paul with a R..Raul was right! This was incredibly easy. And like any good fairy, I'll be sprinklin' stardust around this blog site. Anyone else confused? Getting the blog going was no problem. Simple, easy, and user-friendly. What's the problem? Remembering my password and username. *sheesh* Once I've jumped this hurdle, I'll sprinkle some of that interstellar dust from the archives! Now you want to come back and read more, right? Interpretation The overriding reminder of our class discussion is the fact that groups are microcosms of society. The issues discussed (i.e. power struggles, gender issues, etc.) are not unlike any group issues across the country. The emerging themes of feeling valued, being known, and sharing also have a dark side of feeling be-littled, being secretive, and withholding knowledge. So, these themes exist because we are people and we can not escape that interaction. However, as leaders and participants in groups we can minimize the negative components and make the group's efforts more productive. Missing Aspects It seems the missing aspect is the expectation that the facilitator will keep every idea with respectful regard. By doing so, the person submitting the idea doesn't feel like it's a bad idea. The focus should be on the task at hand and maintaining a healthy environment for any ideas to take shape. It involves encouraging group development. When a group is nurtured, informal leaders will emerge and help provide the direction and momentum for the team. The Leader Should... Communication Make sure all group members have each other’s contact information; make sure everyone has a say in things/ideas; try to give everyone a shot at discussion—don’t play favorites; give everyone a say; talk to the quiet ones before hand and let them know that their opinions are valuable; create a positive environment; allow others to speak freely; deal with group concerns when the first appear; Division of Labor Don’t burden anyone with too much to do; make everyone do equal share of work; don’t allow slacking; punish skippers or lazy members not helping the group; have a leader who doesn’t dictate; make sure to give tasks to the ones who can do them; define roles within a group—give everyone a task; Preparation bring materials for you and enough for the whole group; make detailed descriptions of objectives; pass out information; give reminders about the location, time, and equipment needed for upcoming meetings; outline what will take place; make them feel that their ideas count; use PowerPoint for presenting ideas; make the topic clear and not too broad; formulate an agenda; divide the topic into subjects; have a leader; manage time; give positive criticism; hold members accountable; find out what each of us is good at for a group; have a good environment for meetings; have coffee on hand to get the ideas flowing Relevance relate meeting topics to employees; ask for a show of hands regarding your group’s position on a topic; Solution Exceptions (assuming I understood the question) Time - this solution mentioned by our class may not always work. There are unavoidable delays, unavoidable early dismissals, and unavoidable circumstances. While it may appear if you have this component under control your group may still be affected. Interpersonal Relationships - this topic can not simply be addressed in this forum. It is, at best, unpredictable. Managing people may not work in all situations. Getting to know people in the group can only be accomplished if all the members agree. Before the Meeting - Having everything in order in and of itself, may not lead to a satisfying and productive meeting. Attitude - Of course, everyone appreciates the one with a good attitude. But if this is the leader, having a good attitude may not be called for in all circumstances. The leader needs to be able to adjust her/his style to accomodate the goals of the moment. After the Meeting - While follow up is paramount to the success of the gathering phase, some groups may not need this component.